Can you believe we’ve finally made it to December? 2020 has been quite a year.
One of the most difficult decisions I’ve had to make was whether I’d send my kids to in-person school. At first, I was adamantly against it. However, I had to change my mind after watching my sons struggle to learn in an online environment.
In addition, my fiancee has to go out to work every day and expose herself to the virus.
I miss seeing my friends. I miss going to live events. I miss a sense of normalcy.
The only thing that has kept me from falling into a deep depression is my faith. But getting to the point where I can rely on my faith to help me cope with difficult times was a long and arduous journey.
Losing My Religion
My mother was a strict, traditional Southern Baptist and established several household rules. My sister and I had to memorize Bible verses, listen to Gospel music on the radio, and adhere to all Ten Commandments.
We were not allowed to partake in worldly things such as listen to secular music or watch cable TV. I was always happy when I could go to my cousin’s house where things were a little more lenient. There, I could watch HBO and listen to the latest Prince album.
As a child, I spent every Sunday sitting on a hard pew in a small, poorly air-conditioned church.
Each week, I listened to the pastor preach fiery sermons, swayed to the choir’s soul-stirring songs, and dropped a few pennies into the collection basket when it passed by.
I can relate to comedian George Wallace when he says, “If I never step foot in a church again, I’ve already put in my time.”
Going to church was drudgery and I resented the adults’ shunning my questions about religion.
I was always told, “Just have faith and don’t question God.”
This answer was unacceptable for an inquisitive child like me. I wanted to learn more about the God I was supposed to believe in, but no one took the time to answer my questions.
I was confused and disillusioned.
Finding My Faith
When I got to college, I rarely went to church. Sleeping in on Sundays felt good. Besides, I didn’t see the point of blindly going to church while I still felt spiritually empty.
Ironically, college is what led me back to my faith. At school, I encountered people from many different faiths. They all seemed to know so much about their religions while I knew very little about mine.
My roommate was Muslim and we’d have regular religious debates. To prepare for these arguments, I’d study Christian Theology books and actually read my Bible. I even read portions of the Qur’an, the Book of Mormon, and several Eastern Religious texts.
I took philosophy, history, and comparative religion courses to learn as much as I could about my beliefs and others.
Suddenly, it was okay to question my faith. Best of all, I had people who were willing to answer my questions. By the time I graduated from college, I had a better grasp of my personal belief system.
Living My Faith
I would love to say that I immediately started going to church again, but that didn’t happen. I still didn’t feel comfortable at church and it took another six years before I was attending regularly. I had to wrestle with the church’s history of racism, misogyny, and homophobia. Not to mention how many churches mix religion with politics and not in a good way.
When I moved back to my hometown of Houston, TX, I found a church that I felt was true to Christian teachings. The pastor emphasized unconditional love for one another, compassion, service, and reverence to God as the core principles of our belief system which was aligned with my understanding of Mark 12:30-31 from the Bible:
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.
All of these experiences have shaped how I teach my children about faith and religion and how I parent.
I want to give my children a strong moral foundation that will help to guide them through life’s difficulties and challenges.
I encourage them to ask questions. I let them know that it’s okay if they don’t understand certain things. I confess how I’ve doubted the existence of God and how I’ve expressed anger and disappointment with God.
I also let them see that I don’t have all of the answers. I want them to seek out some things on their own and come to their own conclusions.
The main lesson that I teach my children is that it is more important to love people than to judge them.
I regularly give them opportunities to show their for others love through service. We volunteer as a family and do what we can to help others.
But most of all, I try to live my life in a way that models integrity, morality, forgiveness, and grace.
I don’t always meet the mark, but I keep working on being the best man I can be. And when I fail, my faith gives me the confidence to try again.
I’ll admit online church is weird and I struggle to remain connected in that way. However, I keep my self motivated with devotionals, mediation, prayer, and quiet reflection.
I have no idea what 2021 will bring, but I have faith that everything will be alright.
I wish you the best and I hope you and your family have a fantastic holiday season.
Frederick J. Goodall, Mocha Man Style Publisher, and Editor-in-Chief