A few years ago, I was having a discussion on Twitter about how well men communicate in relationships.
I was convinced that men generally did not have a problem with communication. The person I was tweeting with disagreed.
She told me that one of the main issues she dealt with in relationships with men, both personally and professionally, was their lack of communication skills.
She believed that men had trouble communicating their feelings effectively.
After years of talking to men and women about this subject, I’ve come to accept that men do struggle a bit when it comes to opening up and sharing exactly what’s on their minds.
However, it is possible for men to develop effective communication skills.
Being able to communicate with your partner is one of the keys to having a strong relationship. If you want to be a better communicator, here are 3 ways to improve communication with your partner.
Start By Listening Attentively
An effective communicator is always a good listener. When you listen, you show your partner you are interested in what she’s saying and it helps you to better understand how she is feeling when she speaks to you.
There are three things you must to be a good listener:
Listen with your ears
Hear what she’s telling you. You don’t always have to respond, just listen. Sometimes your partner just wants to be heard. Acknowledge what she’s saying by repeating back to hear what you’ve heard. Say something like, “I think I heard you say…” This act of active listening will go a long way towards avoiding misunderstandings.
Listen with your heart
Discern the message within the message. Sometimes words are just a cover to say “you’re not hearing me” or “I don’t feel secure in this relationship” or a plethora of other messages. Tune in to your woman to hear her when she changes tone, pitch, cadence, body language, and mood.
Listen with your mind
The most effective listeners are the ones who internalize what they hear, process the information, then speak or react. Be quick to listen and slow to speak.
Express Your Feelings
Where I have found men lack in communication skills is sharing what they really feel. Being able to say, “I love you” or expressing your hopes, dreams, or disappointments is so important in a relationship because it builds trust.
You must be able to share what is really on your mind and not what sounds good at the moment. By being open with your feelings, you will let your partner into the inner spaces that you’ve kept private for many years. This act of vulnerability will develop a deeper connection with your partner, increase intimacy, and improve communication with your partner.
Communicate Through Service
If you have difficulty communicating with your mate, I suggest reading The Five Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman. Dr. Chapman talks about communicating through serving your partner.
When I talk to men who are in danger of losing a relationship, they always regret not serving their mate better while the relationship was stronger.
Be authentic in your service. Women know the difference when you are doing something because you feel forced and when you are doing something for them because you love them and want to do it. If you aren’t serving your mate from the kindness of your heart, try it for a month and watch your relationship and her attitude improves significantly.
Effective communication takes effort and commitment. It’s important to show your partner that you are dedicated to improving your relationship by communicating clearly and effectively. The payoff is a happy mate and a stronger relationship.